You're My Air When I Feel I Can't Breathe
by waterlooroad9
Summary: Rachel/OC. Can Rachel help a troubled pupil in her time of need? Reddie later on. Rated T but some M chapters - there will be a warning for these.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello lovely people! _

_Don't worry, I'm continuing my Nikki/Kacey one still, but this is a new one with Rachel set around Series 4 – yes, that means some Reddie! I don't think Megan's ever been mentioned in WR, she's just someone I made up. This is purely based on something I thought up late one night when I couldn't sleep (anxiety has its silver linings!). Please review and after a while I'll need some storylines for this so feel free to offer me some ideas!_

_Holly xx_

(Rachel POV)

I took a short break from typing up the termly report to make myself a coffee and glanced up at the clock, shocked to notice that it was almost 9pm! I'd been so focused on my work that I'd failed to notice how late it was. Switching off the kettle, I began to shut down my laptop and pack up the files I'd need to work from at home – somehow this term I'd managed to let myself get behind on paperwork, which was rare for me. I turned the light out and walked through the pitch dark school; it was mid-January, freezing cold, and light was in absence from 5pm. Roll on summer, I thought to myself.

I put my paperwork in the boot of the car and started the engine. I drove slowly, knowing that stray cats and even the occasional fox was prone to wandering through the school gates when darkness crept in. As I drove nearer the gate, I noticed a crouched figure leaning against the inside of the gate, and that it was wearing uniform. I stopped the car and I noticed the figure tense up. It was year 11 pupil, Megan Davis. It was raining hard as I wound down the window to speak to the girl.

"Megan, are you okay? Can I give you a lift anywhere?" The girl sniffed and wiped her eyes.

"No, Miss. I'm fine" she replied, avoiding eye contact.

"Meg, the caretaker's going to shut the school soon, you can't stay sat there in this weather. Haven't you got a home to go to?" This prompted the girl to shake and fear spread over her pale, wet face. "Come on, Megan, come and sit in my car where it's warm. Come on" I got out the car and opened the passenger door for her.

(Megan POV)

I didn't have a choice now. I was cold, scared, and Miss Mason was offering me warmth and protection. I rose, and a blanket was taken out of the boot of the car and offered to me by Miss Mason. She wrapped it around my shoulders and I sat in her warm car. We drove a few roads away from the school and then she stopped.

"What's wrong, hmm? Why were you sat outside this late by yourself?"

"I can't say, Miss."

"Megan, you can tell me anything. Has something happened at home?"

"Yeah, something like that" I laughed to myself, before tears sprang to my eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment.

"Well, tell me then. There's nothing that can't be sorted if you talk to me"

I began to tense up, my automatic reaction to fear and negative emotions. Miss Mason continued to ask me questions about home, friends, school, reasons why I could be in this state, but I stopped replying. I was in danger of saying too much.

"Megan, are you in danger at home?" This question hit me hard. It was such a simple question. It didn't require explanation, but it enabled freedom. All I had to do was be brave. Taking a deep breath, I replied,

"Yes."


	2. Chapter 2

_Whaddup! Thank you so much for favourites/follows/reviews etc :-D I'm not sure how confident I feel about this chapter, please review it and help me improve! _

_Here's Chapter 2 :-D_

Rachel looked at the girl next to her, shaking in fear of the damage her one-word response might have caused. Compassion filled her heart as she reached out a hand and placed it on top of Megan's.

"Megan, that's really brave of you to say that. Are you able to tell me why you feel like that?"

"Miss, I can't. I can't – I just know I can't take it anymore." Megan's voice shook as she fought tears, trying not to show emotion in front of her headteacher. She had to keep it all together, but at the same time, something made her want to trust Rachel. Rachel squeezed her hand supportively.

"Well, you don't have to deal with this anymore, love. I promise, whatever it is, it stops now. We can sort this out. Now, how would you feel about coming to stay at my place tonight? You can get some sleep and we can sort this all out tomorrow, hmm?" Rachel so desperately wanted to help the girl, something in her made her feel protective of Megan and she felt compelled to keep her out of harm.

"Miss, I don't want to cause trouble. It's fine, I'll be fine..." Megan's voice trailed off at the end.

"Meg, you're clearly not, are you? I promise, a hot bath and a nice long sleep will make everything seem a bit clearer." Megan nodded and for the first time that evening, made eye contact with Rachel and smiled. Rachel smiled at her and gave her hand another squeeze before beginning the relatively short drive home. Both were quiet on the drive home as Megan tried to compose herself.

All Rachel could think about on the drive home was what could be going through the poor girl's head. Megan was an A* pupil, one of Waterloo Road's best, she had a secure, decent group of friends and as far as she could recall, had never been in severe trouble apart from the odd missed homework, like most pupils. Rachel thought about things Megan had said, or not said, that evening, and tried to piece together what was happening. But Megan was giving nothing away.

As they arrived at Rachel's house and got out the car, Megan moved slowly, the reality of her situation kicking in. She half thought of running away, but she knew she couldn't go back home, and thought better of it. Maybe now was the time for this to stop, she thought to herself.

"Have you eaten, love?" Meg shook her head, afraid to speak. "Good, neither have I. How about I run you a bath and cook us a pizza?" Rachel went upstairs into her large bathroom and ran Meg a bath, whilst the young girl wandered around the house, taking it all in. Rachel's house was huge, Megan thought, and she thought back to her dad's tiny flat that smelt of damp, nothing like the homely smell of Rachel's place.

After she had her bath, Meg sat on the bed in the room next to Rachel's, hair wrapped in a towel. She spent a while contemplating her situation, how different things were now compared to 24 hours ago. She shuddered at what happened and channelled her emotions into rapidly drying her hair and changing into the warm pyjamas given to her by Rachel.

Rachel and Meg sat on the sofa, watching Miranda, eating pizza. Meg knew what Rachel was doing – she was trying to distract her from her mind, and it was working. She hadn't felt this calm this late at night in months. And this peace caused her to cry. Silently at first, so Rachel didn't notice, but she eventually gave up trying to hide herself and sobbed her heart out. Rachel turned off the TV and put a hand on Megan's shoulder, not wanting to disturb or shock her. Meg leaned into Rachel's shoulder and cried harder – she felt safe and scared all at the same time. Rachel wrapped her arms around the broken girl and rocked her.

"It's okay, Megan, it's okay. Let it all out, sweetheart, it's okay" she comforted. Rachel rubbed Meg's shoulder and stroked her hair until her tears eventually ceased. Not moving from Rachel's arms, Meg began,

"It started when Mum left..."


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey guys! This chapter is Rated M for references to abuse. I'm absolutely loving writing this fic – I can't seem to stop! Reviews pleeeease :-) Also how do people feel about chapter length? I want to make them longer but if people are happy with this length then I won't, please let me know!_

"It started when Mum left..." mumbled Megan, afraid to speak too loudly just in case this was all a dream and someone heard. But she felt Rachel gently nod and rub her shoulder with her thumb, encouraging her to continue.

"Dad blamed me. He said I got between them, he said I stopped them loving each other. I tried not to believe him at first, but then when..."

"Megan, sweetie, tell me."

"He said I stopped them loving each other because he loved me and Mum didn't. He would... He did things, Miss. He said he was showing me how much he loved me but it didn't feel right, Miss, and I just want it to stop!" Megan broke down into fresh tears and Rachel held her tighter, trying not to cry herself. Rachel let her cry for a few moments and rocked her gently, trying to make her feel calm and safe.

"When did this start, love?"

"Um, not long after Mum left, about six months ago." Rachel sighed. She knew Megan's parents had separated when Meg updated her emergency contact form to just her dad's name, but she just presumed it was a simple divorce and that Meg's mum went away on business regularly. She thought she was just staying with her dad to make things easier. "How could I have been so stupid?" Rachel thought to herself. Meg was curled into a tight ball, tears staining her face, practically on Rachel's lap by this point.

"Now, I promise you, lovely, this is where it stops. You're so, so brave for telling me this, and I promise that you will never have to go back to him again. Tomorrow we're going to phone the police and he won't ever be able to hurt you again, darling. Why couldn't you have come to me sooner, hmm?"

"I was scared, Miss. Scared of what would happen to me. I didn't want to go into care or for you to call Dad into school and talk about it because then he'd really get me. He told me to keep quiet because then he'd stopped loving me the way he stopped loving Mum."

"Meg, can I ask you, why did your mum and dad split up?"

"Dunno. One day she was there, the next she wasn't. I think it was something to do with Dad. I used to hear them fighting, I don't know Miss but I think sometimes he might have hit her. She had bruises and she said she banged into a cupboard but now I don't know if I believe her." Meg was talking openly now. She'd uncurled herself and was sat up drinking the hot chocolate Rachel had made for her.

"Okay, love, well it's all going to be okay now. We're going to get this all sorted. How about we get some sleep now, hey? It's nearly midnight, you've had a long evening and you're probably exhausted from everything you've just told me." Meg nodded and they both went upstairs.

After Rachel had got ready for bed, she decided to quickly check on Megan before going to bed herself. She knocked the door and saw Meg sat cross-legged in bed. Rachel came and sat next to her on the edge of the bed.

"Miss, what's going to happen to me?" Megan sounded scared, confused, but also brave. She knew what she'd done was the right thing, but this hadn't stopped her worrying about the consequences of her actions.

"Well, I thought tomorrow we'd phone the police and report him, they'll probably want to come round and talk to you, is that going to be okay?"

"Will you stay with me, Miss?" Rachel nodded. "Am I going to go into care?"

"Not if you don't want to. I'm more than happy for you to stay here for as long as you need to, but if you don't want to be living with a teacher, a headteacher at that, then I would completely understand."

"No, Miss, I'd like that. I... I don't know why, but for some reason, I feel safe here." Rachel smiled and stroked her shoulder gently.

"Go on, sweetie, get some sleep. Tomorrow's going to be difficult, so don't feel like you have to get up early. Have a nice long lie in, yeah?" They both smiled and Meg nodded, and they said goodnight.

_A/N: When I was at work today (I work 4 hour shifts alone in a shop that barely has any customers!), I was bored and felt creative so I wrote a mini-poem based on Megan and thought I'd share it with you guys:_

_she smiled_

_and her smile said more words than all the books in the world_

_only her book was impossible to read_

_because she'd never opened up to anyone before_

_nobody wanted to read her_

_nobody had even tried_

_until now._


	4. Chapter 4

_Hey, here's Chapter 4! Thank you so much for lovely reviews and just for reading it, it makes me feel on top of the world! Getting back into creative writing after not doing so for 4 years is the best decision I've made even if it makes me sleep deprived! Chapters will be longer from now on, which will probably make them less frequent, I hope you guys are okay with that :-)_

_This chapter is rated M for a self-harm reference and abuse._

Rachel woke early on Saturday morning. Not wanting to leave the warmth of her bed on the cold January morning, she wrapped the duvet around herself and contemplated the events of the past 12 hours. She thought up a plan of action for the day before stepping out of bed and showering. Rachel liked to constantly be in control and know what was happening, and a plan helped her do this.

She put on a pair of dark blue jeans and a blue speckled blouse – although it was the weekend, she felt she had to dress semi-professionally for Megan, and the police. Rachel scraped her hair into a messy bun which she held together with a pencil – she couldn't be bothered to straighten it today. After finishing her makeup and spraying herself with her favourite perfume, she went downstairs and made herself a coffee and some cereal, which she consumed whilst watching the news, like most Saturday mornings.

Upstairs, unbeknown to Rachel, Megan was sobbing. She felt weak, scared, and ashamed to have caused this situation for her family and for Rachel. Afraid of what would happen to her, she wiped the tears from her face and reached for her schoolbag, delving into the front pocket, and unwrapping a small, silver, sharp object from a tissue. She scraped it against her left arm a few times – enough so that it hurt, but not enough to endanger her life. Holding the tissue against her bleeding inner arm, for a few moments, she took some deep breaths, taking control of the situation. Megan liked to constantly be in control and know what was happening, and somehow, hurting herself helped her do this.

Megan ran a brush through her hair before stepping out of her room and downstairs, where she found Rachel sat drinking coffee. Rachel heard her come down and turned to see a tired Meg standing in the doorway.

"Morning, love. I thought you'd want to sleep longer?"

"Yeah, I didn't sleep well, really..." Rachel smiled sympathetically.

"Can I get you some breakfast and a cup of tea?"

"Yes please" Meg nodded, and Rachel put the kettle on and poured Megan some cereal. Rachel made another coffee and joined Meg at the kitchen table.

"Now, I know it's going to be hard, but how about we make that phone call after breakfast, hmm? I know neither of us want to, but the sooner we phone them, the sooner this can all stop, yeah?"

"I think that's probably the best thing" Meg said with a forced smile. She had to act strong, she couldn't break down in front of Rachel the way she did last night.

"Good girl. Now why don't you go and get dressed while I ring them? I left a spare pair of jeans and a top outside your door, I'm sorry they'll be a bit big and probably not the most fashionable!"

"Thank you" Meg replied as she left to go and get dressed and put on her makeup, which she brought to school with her most days anyway.

Downstairs, Rachel drank the rest of her coffee before picking up the phone to call the police. She knew the non-emergency number well because of minor offences committed at the school.

"Rochdale Police Station, DI Boston speaking, how may I help you?"

"Hi, Nikki, it's Rachel"

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine, thanks, but I have a pupil with me who isn't. An allegation's been made against her father, ongoing sexual abuse it seems. Would you be able to send someone over? I'm at home"

"Oh my goodness, yes, of course. I'll come over myself if you want. See you in 10"

Rachel hung up, comforted that it was Nikki coming to talk to Megan. Nikki was usually the one to help with school problems and had come in on a number of occasions to talk to the pupils about drugs and violence. Hence, the pair knew each other well. Rachel climbed the stairs and knocked on Megan's door to let her know.

"Meg, the police are coming round in ten. It's DI Boston, do you remember her from school?" Meg nodded. "She's absolutely lovely, she's really good at making you feel calm. Do you want me to stay with you still? I'd understand if you want me out of the way, you know."

"No Miss, I'd really like you to be with me. I mean, if you want to."

"Of course I will." Rachel smiled. There was a sharp knock at the door and the pair came downstairs.

"Nikki, hello. This is Megan. Meg, this is DI Boston. Can I get you a cup of tea, Nikki?"

"No, I'm good thanks. So, where shall we do this?" Rachel showed her through to the lounge. Nikki sat on the sofa at a right angle to the one occupied by Rachel and Meg.

"Okay Meg, I need you to tell me exactly what's been happening. I know it's difficult but you can take as long as you need to. And rest assured, every accusation of sexual abuse is taken seriously. Your dad won't be sleeping in his own bed tonight." This made Megan feel safer and more able to talk in the knowledge that he couldn't come and find her. Megan recalled the information she'd shared with Rachel the previous night, eyes fixed on a single spot on the thick cream carpet. Rachel's hand never left her knee.

Further into the conversation, Nikki asked Megan specific questions about her father. Things Megan didn't want to talk about. Remembering exactly what he used to do to her and having to share it with others was too painful. She felt her heartbeat quicken and she began to shake, a panic attack looming. She buried her face in her hand as she mumbled the response to Nikki, not wanting to see their responses. Rachel rubbed her knee as she spoke, and Megan's face only emerged once Nikki had informed her that the difficult questions were over.

"Megan, you mentioned that this started when your parents split up. Where's your mum now?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen her or spoken to her since. She doesn't answer her phone"

"Does she have any friends or relatives she could be staying with?"

"I don't know. My grandparents – on her side – live in Spain, but I don't think she'd go there, she's got a job here."

"Where does she work, love?"

"The office park on Glinford Rise. Number 32, I think?"

"Okay, we'll look into it."

"Why, do you think something's wrong?!"

"I don't know, Megan. There's every possibility that she's not speaking to you because she doesn't want to upset you or upset your father, but it's worth us looking into."

"He used to hit her, you know. She'd be covered in bruises and she'd say things like she fell over, but I don't think I believe her, not since Dad..."

"I know. Okay, Megan, thanks so much for telling me everything. It's a really brave thing you've done. Now, are you happy to stay with Miss Mason? I could look at alternative accommodation, but between you and me, it's rough, it really is. Plus, I know Miss Mason really well and I know she'd take good care of you." Meg nodded. "Great. Well, I'm going to head back to the station and send out some officers to arrest Mr Davis. I'll give you a ring once they've left so you can go back and collect some of your things, have you got a key?" Megan's eyes widened at the thought of her father being arrested. It all seemed to be happening so quickly. This time yesterday, she was sat in Mr Budgen's English lesson, thinking of what she'd have to endure that night. That was before she made the decision not to.

Rachel showed Nikki out and came back to see Megan stood against the wall, breathing slowly. Holding out her arms, Rachel enveloped Megan in a tight hug.

"Well done, love. I know that took a lot for you, but it's over for now. Why don't you choose a film to watch, hmm? I know nothing's going to stop you thinking about what's happening but it might help a bit." Rachel showed Meg her film collection and Megan chose Mean Girls. Like Rachel had predicted, Megan couldn't keep herself focused on the movie. She kept looking at the grandfather clock in the corner of Rachel's living room, wondering what would be happening at her house right now. What if her dad wasn't home? What if he escaped and found her? What if DI Boston hadn't believed her? She didn't want to go back there, not now she'd found safety.

Both Rachel and Megan jumped towards the end of the film when Rachel's phone rang. She went into the hallway to take the call.

"Nikki?"

"Hi Rachel. Just to let you know, Mr Davis is in a confined cell and will be until the trial. He denies everything but it's so obvious he's lying. No sign of her mother though – we've spoken to her friends and relatives and they haven't seen her since before the split. I'll keep you posted."

"Wait... trial? Sorry, you didn't mention she'd have to go through this again?"

"It's procedure, I'm afraid. I'll make sure she's got a good solicitor and she'll have to have a medical examination. There's no way he'll get away with it though, he's got guilt written all over his face." Rachel sighed, hating the thought of Megan having to tell an entire courtroom what it had taken her six months to tell her.

"Oh, and you're alright to go and get some of Megan's things now. And the trial will be in about a month, I believe. I'll try and push it forward, I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks Nikki. Really, thank you, you've been brilliant."

"No worries. Good luck with the kid, Rach"

Rachel entered the living room and saw that Megan had paused the movie.

"Was that DI Boston?"

"Yeah... Meg, listen," Rachel replied, coming to sit next to her. "They've arrested your father, he's in a cell now. But, love, I'm sorry, there's going to be a trial."

"What, like, in front of a court?"

"Yes, well, you may be able to speak via a video link if you don't want to talk in front of everyone. I'm sorry sweetie" This was too much for Megan. The emotions of the last few hours mounted on top of her as she stormed out of the room, ran upstairs and locked herself in the bathroom. Rachel started to follow her, but decided to give the girl a moment. Instead, she started cooking a pasta bake for when she came down.

Megan emerged from the bathroom almost an hour later and came into the kitchen where Rachel was still cooking.

"Hiya, love. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I guess. I just... I didn't realise I'd have to talk in front of everyone, I thought they'd just lock him up."

"Well, they have locked him up, and DI Boston is certain he's guilty. You just need to say your side of the argument, but it won't be for a few weeks and you'll get a solicitor to help you. And I'll help you too. You won't be on your own with this." Rachel smiled. "Here, come and have some pasta," she beckoned, heaping pasta bake onto two plates, "and DI Boston's given us the all-clear to go and get some of your things from home, how about we do that after lunch?"

"Thank you." Meg remained quiet as they ate the pasta and then got in the car to go home. Meg gave instructions to Rachel and they were at her dad's flat within ten minutes. A dog barked from one of the ground floor flats and a can blew across the road eerily. Megan stared bleakly up at the block of flats. This place brought back painful memories for her, and she didn't ever want to come back after having spent a night in a warm home with someone who made her feel safe. Rachel held open the door for her as they climbed the stairs up to the eighth floor, where she lived.

Unlocking the door, the first thing that hit the pair was the smell – part damp and part stale alcohol. Beer cans and empty vodka bottles littered the living room floor. Although Meg knew her dad was miles away from her in an isolated cell, she still feared that he was lurking behind a door somewhere. When Rachel put a hand on her shoulder, she jumped and screamed, afraid that it was her father.

"Megan it's me, it's me. Come on, let's just get your stuff and go, hey?" Thankfully, Rachel had brought two large suitcases and a few black bin liners in order to transport Megan's belongings. Megan didn't even think too much about what she was doing, she just took everything from her wardrobe and drawers and threw them into the bags and suitcases, along with her schoolwork and her laptop.

"Miss, can we just go now please, I don't want to be here anymore" Megan mumbled before leaving the room to stand in the corridor of flats, leaving Rachel to quickly check that she hadn't left anything essential and lock up the flat. They carried Meg's belongings to the car in silence – Megan feared she would break down if she spoke, and she was trying so desperately hard not to show emotion.

Once they'd arrived home and Rachel had helped Megan carry her bags into her room, Meg shut the door and lay on the bed. Not even bothering to unpack, she allowed the tears to fall, crying into her pillow so that Rachel wouldn't hear. She blamed herself entirely. For her mum leaving, for her dad abusing her, for ruining Rachel's life. Nobody wants me around, I ruin everything and everyone who gets close, she thought to herself.

Still haunted by her thoughts, Meg decided to make a start unpacking whilst emotionally beating herself up over everything. She took a black and white owl-print t-shirt out of one of the bags and sniffed it. It smelt of damp, and worst of all, of him. The same occurred with a blue Aztec print dress. In fact, everything smelt of his sweat, alcohol, and damp. Her sadness and shame turned to fury and anger, and in a rage, she tipped everything out of the bags and suitcases and started ripping up the black bin liners. She sank to the floor, hyperventilating and crying, but no tears escaped her. She'd lost the energy and self-control to not break down now. She felt hopeless and worthless.

Knowing Meg needed some time alone, Rachel was downstairs sending out an email to members of staff about Megan's situation when she heard noises coming from upstairs. The maternal instincts within her prevented her from ignoring the screams, and she rushed upstairs without knocking on Megan's door. Her heart tore in two to see the teenager sat on the floor gasping and howling, surrounded by piles of clothes and black shreds. Making a hole in the pile of clothes, Rachel sat next down and stroked Megan's hair, whose head was resting on her folded arms against the bed. She didn't need to say anything – her presence was enough to calm the girl who eventually prised her head from her arms and instead looked at her lap.

"Megan, it's okay, you don't have to hide how you're feeling from me. I'm used to people getting upset, I see it every day in my office. It sometimes feels better after crying, doesn't it?" Meg's eyes refused to look at Rachel. "Meg, look at me for a minute," instructed Rachel, taking Megan's hands. Megan turned to face Rachel, mascara running down her cheeks leaving thin black channels. "Promise me that if you feel upset you'll come and talk to me, yeah? It's why I'm here, because I care about you. I'm not going to judge you, I'm not going to laugh at you or tell anyone, I just want you to know that I'm someone you can trust, okay? Promise?"

"I promise."


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hey, lovely people! Thank you so much for the great reviews! I was a bit unsure about the last chapter but you all said it was good :) Sorry it's been a while, I've been working a lot so although I write my fics at work, typing them up takes a while :/ Thanks for sticking with me, you guys are the best!**_

_**I've been playing around with different POV's and also exploring a bit more of Megan's personality in this chapter. FYI, her personality is very much like me on a bad day – a bit socially awkward, anxious and emotional!**_

_**Italics from this point on are flashbacks/dreams.**_

"Shall we clear some of this mess up, hey? Did anything in particular cause you to turn your bedroom into a floordrobe?" Rachel joked.

"It all smells of him, Miss, everything. It just brought back memories..." said Megan quietly. Rachel smiled sympathetically.

"Tell you what, I'll put them all in the wash for you and at some point we'll get you some new clothes to make up for all the ones that got broken, yeah?"

"Miss, it's fine. I was probably overreacting."

"Hey, you were NOT overreacting. You have every right to be upset. How about you go and have a shower while I sort these out?" Megan nodded and half thought of giving Rachel a hug, but felt that would be weird. So far, they'd only hugged when Rachel wanted to, or when Meg was upset. "Oh, and Meg?" Rachel added.

"Yeah?"

"It's Rachel, from now on. Seeing as you're going to be here for a while now!" Megan laughed quietly and mouthed "Okay" as she went into the bathroom to shower.

(Rachel POV)

After Meg went into the bathroom, I started to sort her clothes into piles – lights, darks and broken items. Most of her light clothes had been dyed grey and her dark clothes had faded. I kept as much as I could, but being a neat freak, this proved difficult. I made a mental note to take Meg shopping next Saturday and buy her some new clothes.

Putting the first load of washing in the machine, I set about cooking chicken salad sandwiches for tea, something I made most Saturdays as a healthy alternative to burgers. Meg came downstairs, brunette hair glowing with that newly washed shine, just as I was serving up, and we sat together at my small oak dining table. I watched her every move, trying to sense whether she was in the mood to talk, but she gave away no clues. Unlike many pupils, I struggled reading Megan. Sometimes, she was open and let herself be upset in front of me, and sometimes she'd try and shut me out. I knew she'd only been with me for a day, but already I'd learnt so much about her. As she finished her chicken and took a sip of the Coke I'd poured for her, I decided to act.

"So, how are you feeling, love? I mean, after earlier, do you want to talk about it?"

"Actually, Rachel, I'm feeling really tired, I might just go to bed," she said, badly faking a yawn. "Do you need any help with the dishes?"

"No thanks, I'll just put them in the dishwasher" Megan got up and put her plate in the dishwasher before leaving the room hurriedly. I sighed. Yes, she'd told me about the abuse, and that alone was a huge step for her. But she hadn't told me how she felt. She hadn't explained all the feelings she had going on inside her, and I was worried that she'd deal with them in a negative way. All I could do was be there when she was ready, I thought to myself, as I continued with my paperwork.

I eventually decided to call it a night and went upstairs to bed. After putting on my pyjamas and taking off my makeup, I went to check on Meg. She was fast asleep, and looked so peaceful. I wanted her to stay like that, where she was happy. I pulled her door to and went back to my own room, slipping under the thick king-size duvet and turning out the light.

(Megan's POV)

"_Megan? I'm bored, do you want to play a game?" I shook my head._

"_Megan? Do you want to play a game?" I tried to say no, but my mouth was bound shut._

"_Megan? Do you want to play a game?" One voice became two which became ten and then hundreds of thousands of voices were shouting and his face was getting closer and closer..._

(Rachel's POV)

I woke with a start. Someone was screaming.

I rushed out of my bedroom and into Megans. She was screaming and writhing in her bed, tears and sweat rolling down her face. I shook her, avoiding her flailing hands as she tried to fight against whatever was hurting her in her mind.

"Megan, you're dreaming. Nobody's going to hurt you, no-one. It's me, it's Rachel - Miss Mason." Meg woke up at the sound of a familiar name and breathed at a rate I'd never seen anyone breathe before. "It was just a dream, okay, you're safe. You're safe, darling." I pulled her into a hug, and she leaned against me as I rubbed her back with one arm and stroked her hair from her damp face with another. Her breathing slowed until quiet sobbing was the only sound in the room. "There... Ssshh..." I soothed, gently rocking her to calm her down. She clung to me tighter, like I was all she had. "Shall we go downstairs and get you something to drink, hmm?" Meg gently nodded and felt for my hand as we left the room. I took it and led her downstairs, turning the lights on as we went so as not to frighten her any more.

I put the kettle on and made two mugs of hot chocolate while Meg went into the downstairs bathroom to wash her face. It was 4am, and I rubbed my eyes sleepily. I heard the bathroom door unlock and I brought our drinks into the living room where we sat on the largest sofa under one of the blankets I kept in a pile in the corner of the living room in winter. I looked Megan in the eyes.

"Tell me."

And she did. She told me about the dream, how she dreams it most nights and how her dad would be furious if her screaming woke him up, which made sleeping a trauma for Meg. She rested her head on my shoulder as she talked to me, and I held an arm on her shoulder. I listened while she spoke, replying with comforting words, reminding her that she was safe now.

"I'm always so tired, Rachel, because I don't sleep. My schoolwork's got worse, I just can't think straight."

"Meg, you've had so much to think about the last few months that no-one expects anything of you. You're doing so well, much better than you give yourself credit for. To keep all this hidden away, I mean, I couldn't have done it." Meg sniffed and moved her head slightly. "How do you feel about getting some more sleep now?" I asked. "He can't get you now, love. And you can come and get me if you have another dream, I honestly won't mind. Come on, you'll feel worse in the morning if you don't sleep." Megan reluctantly nodded, a look of worry spreading over her face. "Go on, I'll be up in a bit." I said.

"Okay" Meg almost whispered. I waited a few minutes for Meg to settle before turning out the lights and going upstairs to find Meg lying in bed reading Looking for Alaska by John Green. I decided not to go in, but to stand in the doorway and give her a small wave.

"Night"

"Night, Rachel" Meg smiled.

(All POV)

Both Megan and Rachel slept late the next morning, although of course, Rachel was awake first. She spent half an hour reading in bed before going downstairs to see if anything good was on TV. To Rachel, Sundays were invented for doing nothing. She made a coffee and pulled the blanket over her that she hadn't folded away from a few hours earlier, turning to the news channel.

(Meg's POV)

I woke up just after 10:30am. I swore to myself as I noticed the time. Then, I looked closer at my surroundings and remembered where I was – I was at Rachel's. Her words echoed in my mind – I was safe here. Still, it didn't stop me feeling embarrassed that I'd woken her up last night, and these thought circled my mind as I plucked up the courage to descend the huge set of stairs to Rachel's living room. I knew she was awake, as I'd heard the voices coming from the TV. Standing nervously in the doorway, I wondered whether or not to sit next to Rachel or whether that would be too much. She turned to me as I sat on the sofa at a right angle to hers.

"Hey," she spoke softly. "You okay?" I nodded. "Did you manage to get some more sleep?"

"Yeah. Thank you for, you know, being there last night."

"It's not a problem, Meg. You can come to me whenever. Now, how does the idea of a bacon sandwich sound? And then I thought we could go into town and pick you up a few new clothes?" she said, wandering into the kitchen and turning on the grill.

"Miss – Rachel – you don't have to do that."

"I know. But I'm trying to think of ways to help you. And you know what, even if it doesn't, we still get to do a spot of retail therapy. I don't know about you but it always makes me feel better." I smiled and cautiously agreed. Truthfully, part of me still felt a bit awkward at the idea of being seen out with Rachel. I'd never been one of those kids who didn't care how others saw them – I struggled with my self esteem enough already without being seen in a shopping mall with my headmistress. The other part of me, however, knew I had Rachel, or nothing. Plus, Rachel was being so nice to me, I desperately wanted to put these self-judging feelings aside, if only for a while. We ate our late breakfast together, and it was actually quite enjoyable to be doing normal things in the company of someone who I didn't fear could snap any moment.

After we'd got dressed, we got in Rachel's car and drove to the shopping centre. Rachel told me she'd pay for any clothes I wanted. I felt awful – normally money was so scarce, especially after Mum left. However, once Rachel had practically dragged me into Topshop, I ended up leaving with an entire new wardrobe.

We decided to go to New Look next, as I liked their dresses. I tried on a few and loved them. Rachel and I were on our way out of the store after paying when I glimpsed someone out of the corner of my eye.

"Meg! Hey!" It was my best friend, Lauren. I couldn't avoid her – we'd already made eye contact.

"Um, hey, Lauren. You okay?"

"Yeah, you been busy? You haven't replied to any of my texts all weekend!" Truthfully, I hadn't even looked at my phone since Friday afternoon. "So, what did you buy then? Oh, hi, Miss Mason!"

"Actually, Lauren, I have to go. See you later, yeah?" Lauren tried to stop me, but I walked quickly out of the store. Behind me, I heard Rachel apologize to Lauren before following me to the safety of a boring looking homeware store I'd hidden in.

"Megan, what happened?" said Rachel, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I just couldn't face it. Explaining everything again, why I'm with you and what's happened" I said, breathing deeply to fight any emotions that could surface.

"It's okay, I understand. Come on, let's go back to the car and then let's go for a walk, we could both do with some nice fresh air." I nodded as we turned and walked to the car.

(Rachel POV)

I took Meg to Denehurst Park – I often came here myself when I needed to think as it was rarely occupied by other students. We walked for a while and I kept the conversation light – we talked about school, music, and gossiped a little about the other students. Before we knew it, darkness was closing in and we headed back to the car. It was good for us to be out and to get away from everything that was happening, I could tell Meg was more relaxed than she had been in the morning.

_**A/N Sorry this seems a really random place to leave a chapter but it's already over 2,000 words and the next bit is quite long! I also wanted to finish here to let you all know I won't be posting anything until at least next Sunday as I'm going on holiday but it will probably be later than that as I have an exam a couple of days after I get back! So I wanted to give you guys something before I go! The next chapter or two are quite similar to this one but I want something more action-based to happen – feel free to throw ideas at me please!**_


	6. Chapter 6

Yo! Managed to write this for you all when I was on holiday, thanks to two hours delay going and 5 hours delay coming home! I don't think this is one of my best chapters, probably because I've been quite tired when I was writing this! Anyway, here it is :-) Review please, even if it's bad stuff!

(Rachel POV)

That evening, Meg and I were sat at the dining table together. She worked on a history project while I completed some paperwork. I loved the way her face came alive as she scribbled away.

"Meg, how are you feeling about school at the moment? I mean, about tomorrow. Because, you know, you don't have to go back yet, not if you're ready." I said tactfully.

"No I want to go back. It helps me take my mind of things"

"Are you sure? Because I'm happy to stay off with you if you don't want to be on your own."

"I'll be fine. I just want to carry on as normal."

I smiled sympathetically at her. "Good girl. Now why don't you go and get an early night? If you're going to be at school tomorrow you'll need some sleep after yesterday." Meg agreed and said goodnight, climbing the stairs while I continued with my paperwork. I'd spoken to Eddie earlier while Meg was unpacking her new clothes and let him know I might not be in tomorrow. I knew Megan might change her mind anyway, so I didn't make any firm plans for tomorrow. Still, I decided, along with Megan, that getting some sleep would be the best option given how late we'd both been up last night. I finished my report, drank a last cup of tea with the news, and headed to bed.

I don't know how long I'd been asleep when I heard familiar screams coming from the room next door. Prepared this time, I rushed out of bed and into Meg's room, gently waking her and holding her whilst she got her bearings.

"You okay?" I whispered softly, once her breathing had calmed.

"Mmm" she mumbled, nodding slightly, a small sob escaping.

"Hey..." I held her tighter and stroked her hair. "Don't worry sweetie, I'm not going anywhere." I stayed perched on the edge of her bed for ten or twenty minutes, holding her closely until she eventually went back to sleep. Looking at her in this innocent form, I realised I'd formed a bond with her unlike I had with any other student - I treated her like she was the daughter I never had.

The next morning, I got up at 6am for school, as usual, and went to check on Meg after having a shower and dressing in a grey skirt suit and white blouse. She was fast asleep, she didn't even stir when I went in. Knowing that Eddie was aware of the situation, I decided to leave her in her peaceful world until she was ready to face the day. I sent Eddie a quick text as I made my morning coffee.

"Hi, Meg had a bad night so won't be in today, are you ok to be in charge? Rach x" I wondered whether to put the kiss or not, but pressed send before I could change my mind. Eddie replied almost instantly,

"No problem, keep us posted x" I actually felt butterflies at the fact that he'd put a kiss, which was stupid for a woman my age.

I heard Meg come downstairs just after 9:30. She looked confused and I quickly explained.

"I thought it was best to let you sleep in, love. Seeing as you had a bad night." Meg looked disappointed. "Don't worry, I'm sure Waterloo Road can cope without us for a day!"

"Okay... I just... Rachel I just really want to get things back to normal. I want to just go to school and not fall behind, I don't want him to ruin my education as well as everything else..." I thought briefly, seeing how desperately she wanted to be there. After all, it had been her one safe haven for the last few months. I had an idea.

"Alright, then let's compromise, hey? Why don't we go in and you can work in my office for the day? I just worry that it will be too much for you, you know how kids can be." Meg nodded eagerly.

"Ahh thank you Rachel!" I smiled as she rushed to hug me. I returned the gesture and went to fix us breakfast.

(Megan's POV)

By the time we had arrived in school, it was third lesson. Rachel led me to her office, where Mr Lawson was sat and greeted us.

"Hi Meg, how are you doing?" I presumed he knew about the situation from the way him and Rachel looked at each other.

"Ok thanks Sir. Could I have the work from today please? Rachel - I mean, Miss Mason's letting me work up here today."

"Sure. Actually, there's a spare worksheet on my classroom desk if you want to go and get it." I took this as my cue to leave and went to Mr Lawson's maths room.

(Rachel POV)

As Megan left, Eddie closed the door behind her and turned to me.

"How's she doing?"

"Okay, I guess. She keeps having nightmares and freaking out over things but I think that's just part of the process. I mean, six months, Eddie! How did we not notice this?"

"Hey, how could you? She's a bright pupil, she's probably never set foot in this place" he said, referring to the office we were standing in. "I know you'll do a great job with her. Heaven knows, you do brilliantly with everyone else." I smiled nervously, and Meg came back in just in time to break the awkward spell.

(Meg POV)

I worked on my maths questions and history project in Rachel's room until lunchtime, when I went into the canteen to meet my friends. Admittedly, I was nervous for their questions, but I planned to tell them I'd been ill or something. I saw Lauren and made my way over to her and our group of friends. Four or five of them were crowded around Lauren's iPhone, and I went to see what the fuss was about. Lauren noticed me and quickly locked her phone before putting on a fake smile.

"Hey, Meg, you alright?"

"What were you looking at?"

"Oh nothing, just Facebook."

"Let's see?" Fear spread across Lauren's face and she broke eye contact with me. "Lauren?"

"Okay fine, just, oh Meg, why didn't you talk to us?!" she sighed, handing me the phone. I unlocked it to reveal a news article detailing child abuse by a Mr N Davies, of Rochdale, Manchester. Not knowing what to say, I stood up and stormed out of the crowded cafeteria, panic setting in. I locked myself in a toilet cubicle, took out my familiar silver lifeline and drew a line across my wrist. And another, and another, until I felt stronger. The blood flow was heavier this time, and it took a lot of toilet paper to stop the bleeding. Embarrassed, upset and and angry, I punched the cubicle wall hard, pain searing through my hand. Instantly, my knuckles swelled and turned a funny colour as I held them to my stomach, trying not to cry. Instead, I felt myself begin to hyperventilate, as I usually did when I was upset or angry. I leaned my head against the door and tried to control my breathing as I heard someone walk into the girls bathroom.

"Girls, would you mind using the toilets in the Science corridor for a moment? Thanks," a familiar voice instructed. Crap, I thought to myself. I didn't want to face any more emotions. I kept trying to shut myself away, but Rachel kept on bringing me back.

"Megan, sweetheart, can you open the door for me? It's only me in here." The pain in both my hands made it hard - the dull ache of the cuts in my left hand and the throbbing pain in my right from the punch. But I couldn't let her see that, so I tried to control the pain as I unlocked the cubicle door.

"Oh, Meg, what's happened?" she said, staring at my swollen hand.

"I'm fine, honestly, it's nothing."

"We need to get that looked at, love, it looks sore. Come on, I'm taking you to hospital."

"Rachel, it's fine, seriously" I said, panicking.

"No, you need to get that seen to. Nobody's going to judge you, we just want to help you." Knowing I wasn't going to win this battle, I let Rachel's arm guide me out of the bathroom. We were walking slowly down the corridor towards her car when everything went black. I was falling...


	7. Chapter 7

_**Hey guys :-) I'm so super sorry for the lack of updates. Things have been a bit rubbish for me at the moment, I've kind of slipped into a rubbish place in my head recently and I haven't had the motivation to do anything... But I just wanted to put something up here, I have some good storyline ideas that I'll be doing soon, but here's my latest ramblings :-) Thank you to everyone who reviewed last time, you make me feel so happy.**_

_**Please continue reviewing!**_

_**Self harm trigger warning.**_

(Meg POV)

I woke up in a hospital, my arms aching and my head pounding. I felt someone stroke my hand and turned my head momentarily to see Rachel sat next to me, holding my hand. She noticed my eyes open and gave me a few seconds to take in my surroundings.

"You okay?" she spoke softly.

"What happened?" I replied, confused.

"You passed out, sweetie, on the way to hospital. Your arms..." I looked down to see my right hand and left forearm bandaged up. My memory came back as I glanced at them. The cuts on my arm, hitting the door... I sighed as I realised, they knew. She stroked my hair as I remembered and a tear rolled down my cheek. Rachel didn't get angry, she didn't lecture, she simply said, "Why?"

"It helps me cope Rachel. I feel more in control. If I put pain on my arm it makes me forget about the pain up here" I said quietly, gesturing to my head. "Rachel please don't flip out, please don't do anything."

"Sweetheart, it's going to be okay. I'm going to help you, I promise," she said, squeezing my hand as she stood up. "I'm just going to let the doctors know you're awake, but I'll come straight back afterwards, okay?" I nodded and tears began to fall faster as she left. I buried my face in my elbow as my hands were bandaged. When Rachel returned with a nurse a few moments later to see me crying hysterically, she ran over and engulfed me in a hug.

"Hey... I'm here, I'm here. It's going to be alright lovely I promise. It's okay..." she soothed, rocking me as my emotions poured out. I heard the nurse leave the room, leaving Rachel and I together. Between my tears, I managed to croak out a word.

"I'm sorry..." Rachel pulled away for a second and lifted my chin with her finger.

"Why? What have you got to be sorry for?"

"For all this, for everything you're doing for me and this is how I repay you..."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for, Megan. Nothing at all. And don't you ever let me hear you say that again, okay? I think you're so, so brave, don't you ever doubt that," she soothed. "Get some sleep, hey?" Rachel stayed sat on the edge of my bed, stroking my hair until I fell asleep.

I was woken a couple of hours later by Rachel and some nurses. Trying to look alert, I sat up to hear what they had to say.

"Megan, thankfully your injuries aren't too severe," said the one with long blonde hair and makeup. "Bruised hand, and the cuts aren't too deep. It's the stress that made you pass out. I hear you've been having a difficult time at the moment?" I looked to Rachel who gave me an encouraging smile. "We'd like to arrange for you to have some counselling to help you cope, if that's okay?"

"Thanks, but I don't need some stranger telling me how to live my life. I'm fine, honestly." I said coldly.

"Megan, you passed out from stress. Rachel's told us about your father and how much pressure you've been under recently." I felt so angry. I'd told Rachel, it had taken me months to do that, and that didn't give her the right to tell everyone else. I found myself agreeing to weekly CAMHS appointments, simply because I couldn't be bothered to argue. They discharged me and Rachel and I drove home in silence.

(Rachel POV)

That evening, Meg took herself up to her room and didn't come down. When she didn't emerge after I called her for tea, I took her cheese salad baguette and fruit up to her room, knocking twice and entering. She was sat on her bed, flicking through a magazine, music blaring through headphones. She looked up briefly, not making eye contact, before returning to her magazine. She was acting so cold, and it killed a part of me. I thought I'd got somewhere with her. I thought we'd formed a bond. I left her sandwich on her dressing table, waiting a couple of seconds before leaving her in peace.

When I finally gave up fighting myself over whether to go and talk to her or not, I went upstairs to bed when I heard muffled tears coming from Meg's room. Only knocking once, I entered, expecting to find her in bed with her face in a pillow. Instead, I saw her curled in the corner of the room, a silver object resting on her quaking arm.

"Put it down, sweetheart." I commanded. "Please." Meg looked up as I brought her out of her thoughts. She looked at the blade in her hand as if she couldn't believe what she was doing, and threw it across the room. I came slowly towards her and sat next to her. "That was a really brave thing to do, love. I'm proud of you."

"Proud?! What is there to be proud of? Proud that I was caught? Proud that I'm running from my abusive dad? Proud that I've now been defined as a total nutcase by some so-called professionals who don't even know me?!" I sighed. All these feelings inside her were starting to come out, so I didn't mind that she was shouting.

"I'm sorry I told them. But they had to know. I couldn't lie, could I? And counselling isn't always a bad thing, it can be quite nice to talk to someone outside of everything about things."

"But that's what I've got you for..." she mumbled, almost afraid to admit she was relying on me and trusting me. She leaned over and snuggled into my chest and I put my arms around her. I stroked her hair and drew circles on her knee and we stayed there for a while.

"I'm sorry I've been so horrible today. I just... Honestly, I don't really know why... I just got scared you'd broken my trust."

"Hey, you have every right to feel all different things at the moment. When difficult things happen, it's normal for you to feel strange emotions. Don't worry about it, I've had far worse treatment from pupils than the silent treatment for a few hours!" Meg stayed close to me until she fell asleep in my arms. I waited until she was fully asleep before scooping the light girl up in my arms and placing her in bed under the duvet. Before leaving the room, I picked up the silver razor and took it with me, disposing of it safely. I felt such a strong protective love for this girl, I just wanted her to be safe.

That night, she didn't wake up screaming.

_**A/N: So for those who don't know, CAMHS stands for Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services, it's basically NHS counselling for under 18's. Been in and out of it since I was 11 for anxiety and depression and thought I may as well include it... I already know who Meg's therapist is going to be, spoiler alert, it's a WR character :-)**_


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